Andreas sends us spy shots of cars and trucks, but this time he's uncovered a very special lawn tractor that probably doesn't have a place in the Porsche museum--though it wears the livery of Porsche's iconic 911.

The crazy lawn tractor here started life as a Partner machine, with 14.5 horsepower and a hydrostatic transmission. A buddy of our spy shooter took the tractor apart completely, and then got obsessed. Every nut and bolt was painted yellow; a new stainless-steel exhaust was fabricated; and a rev counter made from an old 911 oil filter was installed, along with a fire extinguisher.

After putting it all back together, the proud Porschephile shot it all with classic Grand-Prix Weiss (white) with Indischrot (red) details and wheels. Undoubtedly, it's more fun to work in the garden than on a track--but who knows? Maybe we'll see this one in the U.S. Lawnmower Championships one day.

Gas prices are hurting everyone, hookers included.

The Associated Press reports--(and how exactly did they gather the facts?)--that the nation's legal prostitutes are moaning about gas prices over in the state of Nevada, where 10 counties offer legal coupling services. (The seven that do not are in the populated areas of the state.)

The AP reports that truckers are, logically, a big source for the professional ladies, and the rapid rise in prices has had a deflating effect on their bottom lines. Brothels along the Interstate 80 corridor and US-95 usually get 75 percent of their business from truckers, and those drivers have less money--(indiscretionary income?)--and are "not high-rollers anymore," an officially employed hooker spokesman told the news service.

Intake is down 25 percent, says Geoffrey Arnold, president of the Nevada Brothel Owners' Association. So the legal houses are giving away gas cards and offering other incentives for visitors to partake. One whorehouse is giving a two-for-one special to customers who bring in their tax rebate checks under a "Double Your Stimulus" package.

Nevada has 28 legal brothels, and the AP says 16 are in rural areas that are costlier to reach these days. In contrast, the other brothels relatively closer to Reno and Vegas are doing bang-up business.

We would make another joke, but our double entendre's worn down to a single now.

When I can't sleep, I fire up my iPhone, check on my latest posts, and cruise over to YouTube for some pirated Family Guy clips and maybe a little from the Featured list.

Imagine my horror when I found this video, the product of "Gas Unit and MC Esher," a three-minute white-rap ode to $4-a-gallon gas. I did not want to get "humped at the pump" at 1 a.m., but there I was, transfixed by Burger King crowns (who's the king, baby?) and the ability of two former frat guys to link Halle Berry to Halliburton.

It has subtitles in case you don't want to let anyone hear you watching this hot Eminem-mess. Definitely work-safe, but maybe toxic to your iTunes library:

Lots of local papers have one; the little cultural barometers like The Vent in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. In these columns, readers call in or email their pet peeves or pithy asides, and the paper duly reports them as news--Will Rogers-esque news of the ubiquitous and humorous.

The Vent's usually a place where Atlantans get out frustrations about traffic, city government, and the weather. Lately, though, it's been preoccupied with gas prices. Some drivers have a sense of humor about it. Others seem more directly peeved: while gas here is "only" averaging $4 a gallon for unleaded, the locals are up in arms about where prices are and where they're headed.

This week's best Vents on gas prices follow. By the way, the column used to be just a straight list of complaints, but it's gone all Web 2.0, and you can vote up Vents as you like:

According to the American Petroleum Institute's pie chart, it costs $4 to produce a $4 gallon of gas. No transportation expense, no retailing expense, no profit. Big Oil has been selling us gas at a loss!

For sale: SUV. Original gas still in the tank. Make offer. (For the SUV only).

Can't sell your SUV. Can't sell your mini-mansion. Can't get rid of your kids. How, exactly, does one downsize?

If I had all the money I spent on bottled water, I could buy gasoline.

I'm so old I remember driving an SUV.

Tell me, folks, exactly when will gas be too high for you. I haven't seen any changes yet.

Saw a "Rockford" TV show rerun the other day (circa 1978) and the price of gas was 69 cents a gallon.

To the guy who remembers 25 cent a gallon gas, you are not that old. My family's 1929 Hupmobile bought gas at the Colonial station at 7 gallons/$1, and for every dollar we were given a free drinking glass.

Your everyday car may be special to you, what with its nice rims, a cool satellite radio system, enough room in the console to hide evidence of trips to Carvel. Chances are, though, it's a Camry, Accord, Fusion, or Malibu--all fine cars, but not really epic examples of the history of carmaking.

Throughout the history of cars, there have been hallmarks, cars that changed the course of history or simply put the logo on the sign of the times. If you need an education on what cars are all about, there's an easy way to get a primer on autos through time: drive them. By our measure, there are at least eight cars you need to drive before you die, so you know where cars came from, where they're going, how good they can be, and how awful, too.

TheCarConnection.com's eight cars to drive before you die are these classics:

Mazda Miata
You don't know how well a car can handle until you drive one of Mazda's essential roadsters. The Miata's reflexes feel like they were hardwired by God, and its controls penned by Apple. Beautifully executed and honest to its core, the Miata's steering alone would put it in this group. No car has ever felt this neural, and it's hard to think any other car ever will. It's best to get into a pristine first-generation car if you can, but those are becoming rarer as time goes by; 2008's Miata is almost up to the glory days of the original.

Chevrolet Corvette ZR1
OK, we haven't driven it yet, either. And maybe there's less of a chance you'll get into this than into a mid-'60s Sting Ray Corvette. You need to experience ultimate power, though, and the whole Formula 1 career isn't really taking off, is it? Beg, borrow or steal to get a ride in this one into low geosynchronous orbit, and then you can chuckle at Sergey Brin: $5 million to go into real space is a waste when you can own this for $100,000.

Model T
To know where you're going,you have to know where you've been. Didn't Pete Townsend say that? Start with the car that changed the world, but be prepared. Model Ts aren't easy to drive. They have to be started, shifted, and slowed in ways you've never dreamed of. Luckily, owners of these cars seem to have hours to explain to you exactly how the rudimentary ur-car operates, and the incredibly crude ride will bounce you awake while they shout out T-trivia on the roll.

Volkswagen Beetle
Mechanical simplicity, thy name is Beetle. You really can repair this car with office supplies, and its purity makes the Beetle even more a contrast with today's crash-perfect, desensitized, ball-bearing-tight new cars. Beetle heaters don't work, wipers are a cruel joke, and power is high concept, but it moves you in other ways.


Porsche 911
The engine's out back, the cylinders are opposed instead of working together--and still, when a Porsche 911 fires up,right at the base of your spine, you merge with its manic rhythms. The hammering of pistons in your ear amplifies the direct heft of the steering, and the drop-away view of the road ahead is as close to a racecar as you can find on a modern-day production car. Pretend you're Hurley Haywood if you want--just don't play Autobahn unless the coast is clear.

AM General Hummer/HUMMER H1
You can't drive an Abrams tank, so this is the closest you'll ever get. You'll also get the contact thrill of 1990s nostalgia, when gas was plentiful, the Oval Office served dual purposes, and being a rock star/movie god/media icon meant tooling up to a red carpet in something impossible for any valet to park. Never mind the wars going on in the background--orthodontists and day traders need love too. Full speed ahead!

Rolls-Royce Phantom
Don't fuss with the nonsense of a stretch limousine; find a way to be chauffeured in the Phantom (or the Mercedes-built Maybach 62) and savor the experience. Tip the rear seats back, flip down a walnut tray outfitted with a properly aged Scotch paired with Diana Krall's Live in Paris DVD on the rear-seat entertainment system, and let someone else worry about the traffic ahead. It's OK if you don't wave to the peons outside.


Cadillac Cimarron
Slow can be forgiven; sometimes even ugly, too. The Cimarron ("By Cadillac") was unforgivable, coming from "the standard of the world." Its utterly synthetic, soulless attempt to save Caddy's bacon turned off even GM's hardcore audience. Most galling detail: keys coated in gold plastic that wore off before the warranty expired. Congratulations, Cimarron. You sucked on so many levels, we're still talking about you today.

Honorable Mentions
Honda CRX: Perhaps the best-handling front-wheel-drive car ever, the CRX marked the beginning of Honda's Golden Age.

Lamborghini Murcielago: The view from the wheel of this winged bat out of hell is extraordinary and almost alien--and its performance is astonishing.

Jeep Wrangler: The only vehicle to go from World War II combat duty into the national lexicon, it's shorthand for adventure.

Toyota Prius: Geek culture rules the world now--and the Prius is proof of its good, green side.

Smart fortwo: Sitting on the continental divide between cars and roller skates, the smart fortwo points to where cars are going, for better or worse.

Have a nominee of your own? Add it in a comment below!